There is something surreal about listening to a soothing tune from the 40's coming from the same place as my 3 year olds computer.

We gave Sebastian an iMac G4 Lampshade computer heavily restricted to play CBC Kids, Treehouse and watch DVDs. It keeps him off our laptops which in turn means our laptops stay crumb free. We gave him a week with it to see how it went, and it has turned out pretty well. He loves to play with the CBC website and likes watching the 1970's Adam West, Burt Ward - Batman movie over and over.

I think it has been a good introduction for him. It is a digital age, but I still think about the time when I was in junior high and got a 386 sx 33 with 512mb of ram and a 200? mb hard drive. It was hot. I remember the hard core upgrade I did changing it out to a 486dx266 with a Gb of ram and it had an awesome video / sound card that had 8mb of video memory. But I digress.... I got caught up in that wave and I think my view is that he will be too.

Also I got snipped last week. No more kids now, and it's been a rough week let me tell you. I honestly never knew you could feel like you had someone walking alongside you just turning to you every now and then and saying " Let me flat footed kick you square in the nuts. " and gleefully following it through. That shit hurts. Still does a little - I used up all my T3's 24 in 48 hours so I took a naproxin yesterday and felt awesome all day. I took another tonight and other than feeling a little loopy I'm good.

Anyway I have a date with a bucket of dirty diapers.... No more Kids.... say it like you'd say "4 more years!" it's fun for the whole family.

Feels like new west

Filth = sadness

I've been watching this build up of homeless in my neighbourhood. There is some development going on in the downtown eastside and my area is pretty good for direct access to it. So there are more and more people sleeping under trees, begging for change, hookers and plain sight drug deals going on. I really wish that I was kidding but I'm not. It sucks to have all this going on but it's not the people... I can co-habituate an area with this shit going on for now and can revisit my feelings if I become uneasy... it's not the people.. it's their filth. The added trash, discarded clothing, puke at the bus stop etc, etc. That's what annoys me and makes me sad about my neighbourhood.

What is that sound? oh right... crap.

I'm facing a tough time ahead of me.

My work is changing, outsourcing and applying new titles and positions while training and moving people forward. It's going to be chaotic over the next few months as this happens.

I've made a mess of my home life right now through my own means. The damage will be repaired and I forsee a brighter future than ever before. But it's going to take some time.

I'm dealing with the grief in my own way I guess and reaching out to people around me for their help. However it only helps 1/10th against that pain.

Work, home, brain. No escape. blarg.

When was the last time....

When was the last time that you realized one of the most important things you ever had is now gone.

My long friend Sean Lineham passed away this week for reasons unknown to me. Reasons that will never be known to me.

I always respected Sean in everthing (almost :P) that he did and now I respect his decision to leave us. I hate it, loathe it and am saddened... but..... I figure that he knows what is best for him.

I'm going to miss you like crazy.

What is up? My dog.

Last posted on Feb 29th huh?

So what's been going on? Why have I not been posting?

The answer to the last question is simply.... cuz. Cuz I didn't feel like it.

So I decided to post here again as I am doing things and I feel better when I am writing all this down for you crazies to read. Lets start in the now and work backwards.....

Today I dug two fence post holes by hand with a spade. Through the rocks and other obstacles that were buried in the ground and with a child's plastic wheelbarrow I managed to make the post holes. It feel like my arms may fall off and for some reason my toes are tingling right now (probably unrelated). Also Sebastian helped my to beautify the outside and move some of his lesser used, larger toys to a new storage spot on the other side of the house.

We have new neighbours in the house as the folks that were living on the other side moved in to a townhouse they bought. The new people have two kids now and are expecting a third in 6-7 months. I look forward to meeting them in and around the yard.

Kate and I started a collaborative blog that leads to a collaborative set of challenges that we will be doing over one week periods. I used the first week to not shower. Yeah you read that right, I didn't shower. I only used a bucket and some cloths for one week. Read about it here.

Sebastian and I have had an amazing couple of weekends together. We have really been bonding and working together. I have felt really good about my fathering of him and as such have put a little extra effort in to what I do with Rigby.

Speaking of effort, I have been trying to be a better person for both my wife and the folks at my work, helping out more and making the effort to do things before they are needed. Well it seems to have been working at work but I am still lacking at home, and I can watch Kate's face kind of sink when she comes across something she wishes that I had done. She's been doing a great job at reminding me about the things I need to be doing and also pushing me to make an effort outside of my comfort level or rather laziness level but I know that I am still failing on that a little (or more than a little)

My parents have come over a few times from the island and spent the day hanging out with Sebastian. They came by for his birthday in March and took him across the lower mainland looking for a train to get him. They also had us over on the island for a few nights to let us relax and enjoy being taken care of. Appreciated, majorly.

We opened a couple of new floors at work and the extra load has been apparent in our department. We finally got in a co-op who will be with us until December and it is already helping after his first week. We might be giving him all the crap tasks but really that's what being the N0Ob is all about right?

Rigby is able to roll anywhere she wants, sit up fairly well but she is not yet interested in crawling. I'm not sure if I feel that she hasn't developed to a point where she will be crawling or if she has just decided that it isn't worth her time. Other than that she chowed down on some banana at dinner tonight and after she got the first piece in you could almost see a switch turn over. Her eyes lit up and there was this realization that everything does not taste like boob. She plowed through at least a 1/4 of a banana after that.

I don't really think that there is much else.... Oh yeah, Kate (on a whim) decided she is going to participate in the CIBC run for the cure. I am very proud of her for that.

Till whenever.

One day short of a month

It was the 1st of Feb the last time I posted anything. There's been a lot going on in life around me lately.

I have been told to pull up my socks at work and get my numbers to a point that's a significant improvement over where I was within two weeks (one week is over). I have handed off everything I have been doing extra to my boss man and hope that something happens with all the projects as I need them to finish. I have watched my Son potty train and become really really good at it. I have watched him learn to dress himself and to make complex puzzles and issues work for him. My daughter is smiling, rolling over, laughing, picking her head up and being a total ham. She is beautiful and I am so happy to see her as she is now. My wife and I formed better lines of communication and then let them slide away and have just started rebuilding them now that we realized how much better we were.

It's been a crazy month. I am currently at my parents place on Vancouver Island hanging out for the weekend and getting a little out of the city rest. Everyone is here with me and currently Rigby is asleep on one bed and Sebastian is going to sleep in the other. Kate, my mom and dad are all reading books scattered throughout this living room.

I took Sebastian and my Dad to Englishman river falls today and felt really good about it. I felt really out of shape and in trouble carrying Sebastian up the mountain on the other side of the trail but felt really good that I shared something that I feel is an amazing piece of nature with him. I then walked with my mom and carried Rigby along the sea wall in Qualicum beach as she did her nightly walk . She moves much much faster than I was willing to at this point and I let here blaze a trail ahead while Rigby and I walked nice and leisurely behind.

Kate and I are going to go out and get some dessert tonight and have a small night out while the kids are asleep. It's about time to check on the munchkins and make sure that the silence is, in fact, golden.

I Like Cake

I also like testing out new stuff. This is a blog editor called Mars Edit. Seems pretty handy.

Long Time no Post

Why Not? I just kinda forgot that I needed to....

So what's been shaking? Christmas ended, that's for sure. We made it through new years and in to the next month just fine. I went back to work and all was as it should be. Sebastian and I have been really tight this month and having some really great outings. We went to Stanley park on the bus today then walked along the seawall and back to work where we had a beverage and a snack while watching Bob the builder and Pocoyo on TV. We then took the Train and Bus home and had a nap.

My friend Corey got hired at EA in what we call "the Kathy position" and is super stoked for day one tomorrow. I'm glad she got hired, not only for the 6 month contract and having a friend around but for the referral bonus I get *massive grin* Apparently some of my stock has vested so I am hoping to be able to sell it and get my self one credit card paid off and cancelled. Then with a good tax return we are expecting we hope to pay off the other and cancel it too! Wow reducing debt is exciting :)

My life under drugs has been going well, I have been having thoughts as to the effectiveness of it all as I was really manic the first week or so when I was on it but just felt good. After that I have been feeling relatively normal and wondering if I was getting anything out of it. Thinking about it though I realize that I am talking to more people, am happier in my day to day, and able to function a little smoother around situations that would have gotten me in a bunch before. This is all only available to me when I really think about my interactions with people and how I work, which is probably good since if I was just going around feeling manic it would be a bad thing... heh heh.

Rigby is SO aware of what is happening around her. She is watching us move about and laughs and giggles when we are playing eyes from across the room. She loves Kate's singing and get a kick out of her stuffed bear. She has also grown a lot and is working on rolling over. It's amazing to watch all of this go the second time and know what is happening.

Ekawa?

I am so very tired today. So very very very very very tired. I tried to nap on the couch while Sebastian played with trains in the living room but every 30 seconds there was a " DAD!". So scratch that, let's make some strong coffee.

I put in the water and grind the beans, put on the pot and sit down to help build a train track. Coffee gurgles it's last hoorah and I hop up to the thought of this sweet black drink that I hate so much but helps the mornings. I grab my cup and fill it up, pour in some cream and reach for the sugar bowl. I put in 4 measured scoops of sugar and spin the fluid a little with my spoon. I place my spoon down on the edge of the sink and pick up this warm inviting cup thinking to myself that soon the drowsy, weary state will soon pass and I can focus again. As I take the first sip expecting to be greeted by roasted flavours with a slight sugary twist I wake up in a flash. The pure unmistakable taste of Salt. I seem to have mistaken the jar marked sugar for the one marked Sea Salt.

I'm awake, that's for sure. A Salty beverage first thing in the morning can do wonders for your state of mind. Although, make sure you have a nice area to spit out this beverage rapidly.

Christmas. *Edit*

Flying BoyWhat up.
Rigby and the cat
All smiles.

Man that went by in a flash.

So we took the ferry over to my parents place on xmas eve and got in about 8pm. We had some rum and eggnog and vodka on ice after the kids went to bed and then turned in ourselves after wrapping presents. However there was the matter of actually GETTING eggnog at 10pm on xmas eve in Parksville. Everything was closed but we did manage to find one little corner store that was open and had some Eggnog! My brother and I drove around for about a half hour looking for a place and although his new truck has a wonderful DVD and GPS system in it, the closest 7-11 was apparently in Quebec.

Next morning there was a fun time had in the bed while Sebastian opened his gigantic stocking in front of us. We had breakfast and got the turkey ready and then opened presents!! So much fun, the kids got a lot of cool stuff from the family and us. WE had the best time yet at a family gathering and kinda wished that we could have stayed an extra day. We played Wii with Jared and Jaden (my nephews) and also trains with Sebastian.

The ferry back was nice, I took Sebastian up on the deck and walked him out in to the blow you over wind (he didn't like it) but inside one of the shelters with the wind safely on the other side of the glass he was quite content to look out in to the blackness of the sea and point out imaginary whales, sharks and octopuses, and although Sebastian caught a cold from the playpit which turned in to Croup we still managed to have a great dinner and 2nd xmas over at Kate's dad's house before he got really sick.

I got some fun technology gifts this year...

A Wifi 802.11 Detector T-Shirt
A 1GB MP3/MP4 watch with 1" OLED

AND I got some wonderful movies...

Papillon which is amazing.
The original Thomas Crown Affair from the 60's - equally as amazing.
and the soon to be delivered.... Starsky and Hutch Original Series Box Sets for Season 2 and 3. Now I just need season 4 and I will be complete.

I got Kate an iPhone clone... CECT P168. It isn't bad but it's not really good. So Kate went and got a new phone instead from Rogers and it's way cooler. Sony Erickson Slider Phone.

Sebastian has been in his bedroom for about an hour and a half now for a nap, I still hear him making noise and grunting about stuff so I am assuming he is still not napping. Kate's run out to get some goodies from a friend and Rigby is asleep in her stroller.

What a Family.

Subtle Change

So you may remember the epic post about putting Seb's bed together. It was a rough 6 hours but we finally did it and man is it a glorious bed. Well it took about an hour to come apart last night as I dismantled it to give away. He doesn't like sleeping up in the top and has been sleeping on the floor since Rigby was born. I can't imagine what this does to him but I didn't like it and neither did Kate. So we opted for an angered child at the loss of his slide and got rid of the thing. Now he has his mattress on the floor and some cool new furniture in there, loads more room to play and we get to feel better that he is not laying on the floor.

Drug World update: I have noticed that my guards against having conversations are dropping, I am more at ease with people and able to make light of situations that were really tense for me before. The only issue I am still having is that I am grinding my teeth and clenching my jaw and some days it gets really really bad. I'm putting faith in everything settling down and my body taking this all as normal over time but for now... ouch.

Work has been a fun playground of activity with lots going on right up until the last day there. The last day (Friday) was a fun one, I took Seb in to work with me and although he made a mockery of our desktop meeting he had a lot of fun there. There was also a big lunch with mini hamburgers and tons of cheese (his favourite) and beer (my favourite). So we had some lunch and watched the old Rudolph and the island of misfit toys movie.

Today we are going over to Shannon and Brian's (where Boo slept last night ) and having an xmas day. Then Brunch. Yum.

Gadets and Goods

I got a "xmas present" from work :) They're upgrading people to the newer blackberry 8300 curves at work and I got mine. It's nicer than I thought it would be and it plays video and music which is pretty cool too.

I had a cool idea to put some computers in the cafe at work so that we could give people internet and dvd/music while they are eating. Well I ended up getting a couple of the old iMacs together to put on the tables. I even got the speakers for them!
I also ordered up some cool keyboard mice combos from Logitech that are Bluetooth.
So I think it will be pretty cool to have in there for people eating their lunches or what not. There is no access to anything at all except the things I allowed so they should be %100 safe to leave in there.

Sickness n milk

For some reason while I was sick I needed Milk.

After I got sick and then "better" Sebastian got sick and woke up throwing up then the next day Kate got sick. WOO. So much Vomit, so not much fun.

Sick again

I get sick like once maybe twice a year. This time I got a 24hr flu (fingers crossed) and man did it wipe me out. I spent most of last night up and shivering - throwing up - too hot and uncomfortable. Now I feel mildy better mostly due to the fact I don't need to puke anymore but still trashed. I'm going back to bed now.

mmm xmas party(s)

So this week I had my work xmas party with only the group I work with and then the studio has it's party which was all James Bond themed.
The Studio party was awesome, they rented a ballroom at the Hotel Vancouver and had gaming tables setup everywhere with Poker, Blackjack, Roulette, Baccarat, Craps and a spinning wheel thing. They had a high rollers lounge with a pianist and more tables lit up red and if people had noticed it and headed in it would have been a cool place. As it was there was only a small crowd happening in there. There was a digital shooting range, bomb diffusion race, and a few other stations. The place looked like a casino but the gave us all a few grand in fake hundreds to roll with on the way in. Also there was an assassination situation happening. You were given a target to take out and you were also a target and the person with the most kills at the end of the night wins $1000 cash. Sweet. Good food too.

The group party was held at the Macaroni grill at the Mansion in Vancouver. It was amazing. The place was quite cool and the food was fantastic, but above all the group had a great time talking and drinking. I came home quite drunk from that, even ended up sleeping in Sebastian's room so as to not be near Rigby in our bed. This place fed us... We had bread first, then Salads and Calamari. Next Course was 3 types of pasta - Pene Pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, Pene with Sausage and Bow tie Alfredo. Then came the Chicken scallopini and then steaks. All of this was all you could eat too but at high quality. Afterwards there was dessert. Wine, beers and shooters and through-out.

Fun, Family, Mac n Cheese and Gangsta Rap

That's right, sitting down on the couch, playing trucks in the parking garage eating home made Mac n Cheese and listening to Pandora pump out the tracks. We also did some dancin to this muthafuckin music we crypt to.

I love my family.

I learned a new thing today... I *am* totally in control of my day. I was drudging around at work and thought to myself that I could just be happy instead and I was, the rest of the day. It didn't feel artificial or like I was just walking around with a stupid grin on my face it was really just a turnaround on my mood.

I looked at the massive stack of games I have been comp'd this last month when I got home and am surprised as all get out. I am giving some of them to a friend and a couple to my nephews for xmas as I don't have a gaming system let alone a TV.

All in all it was a fun day and a good week thus far. We got a whole bunch of gifts from some of my mom's friends in Edmonton for Rigby. There is some really cute stuff in there and almost all of it is pink.

Moving on

Well it's been a pretty good week so far. Kate's mom went home on Monday and here we are Wednesday night, doing fine. We've been keeping things going and running smooth. The house has been pretty good and our chores have been flying by day by day. My Parents are coming in to town tomorrow from Parksville and taking Sebastian to the Aquarium for the day. It should be a blast for him as he hasn't been there in a while.

Work has been interesting lately. I have felt really good about.... well about everything these last few days and as such I have been doing a lot. I felt a little down today but kept moving along with all the tickets coming in and at the end of the day walked out feeling great.

I went and did laundry with Sebastian tonight at the laundromat as we just had a mountain of stuff to get done. It was also a good time, he and I chased each other around and played catch with a nerf ball. He helped load the dryer and put in quarters for me....

.... it's now Saturday night.... I left this open for quite a while.

It snowed here today, lots. We were going to go to Shannon and Brian's House for dinner but we decided against it due to the streets. Sebastian and I played outside a few times today in the snow. He in his rain suit, pj's and full clothes and me bundled up in my jackets as well. He likes the snow a lot, which is funny since last year he HATED the snow with a passion.

Things are still going well around the house. Upkeep and all is still working and the week itself for home life didn't turn out so bad for Kate. Sebastian and my parents stayed at the aquarium until nearly 4pm and got home one bus in front of me. Without his nap and that much excitement he was a terror the next day but at least he had fun.

I did some work for a guy at my work on his Mac and setup Leopard and an external drive for him as well as transferring his data from the old drive to the new. He was pleased enough to pick us up a bottle of Vincent Van Gogh - Espresso Infused Vodka. Now I don't like coffee much at all but Kate does and it may be fantastic with some coffee or in a white russian or something...

The End

The End of having Oma here. Kate's mom goes home tomorrow and we're back on our own (so to speak). The level of help and support surrounding us should ensure that if we need something people will be there for us. It's been nice having her here this last 7 days as she has done so much around the house and shown me that some things in our lives can be taken care of in an instant rather than making it a thing to be dealt with.

I've come to realize that I can help motivate Kate by getting Sebastian ready to go and making coffee in the mornings and I think that from now on she needs to be up and out of bed before I leave in the morning. The house works as functional mess and that's ok. We can survive with this and cleaning it up only takes a little effort rather than the daily attempt we were making for it to appear that we don't have kids at all and instead live in a spotless and up-kept house.

Last night we went to the Pro Street Wrap Party at the Vancouver Aquarium which was awesome. The venue is a great place to have a party and the food was quite good also. We wandered around looking at underwater animals of all sorts and Rigby brought in the attention. It was a good time and nice to get out and away for an Adult evening of entertainment. Tonight (and a few nights ago) we went out and had a cappuccino and cookie at JJ Bean and sat and talked, again good to get out for some adult time.

Going forward we are devising a schedule of events for Kate's days and some basic things for us all to deal with the days. Meal plans with recipe cards and pre-ordered groceries. A few purchased meals from Chef Claires and Sliced Tomatoes and the knowledge that we can make a difference to our own lives as long as we get of our asses. That and we're going back to vegetarianism which makes both of us very happy indeed.

Some images for past posts.

Train Show and the pictures of Sebastian with his Patch and Glasses.

What's all this then

We had the appointment for Sebastian at the Ophthalmologist yesterday and the verdict is that his right eye is still functional and just needs to be 'woken up'. So Sebastian gets to wear an eye patch for a month. 2 weeks of all the time and 2 weeks of part time. He also gets glasses to help him focus his eyes which we pick up from the Lab tomorrow.

Kate had her appointment today and was told some very good things I think. That she needs to relearn how to do some things in her life and was given a way to ease out the anxiety. (read: drug) So I am excited at this opportunity as the Dr that saw Kate says she strongly believes that it will be suprising to all of us (including Kate) what comes out the other side of this.

I started my new Journey today as well. You may or may not recall some of my musings regarding my personal state. 1 2 3 4 5

So today I started Effexor and had a swell time running the gambit of side effects while trying to get some work done. I started work being swimmy headed and lightfooted and moved on to shaky and a little dizzy. Jaw clenched and teeth grinding and feeling a little like I should be sitting down. I've never taken a major drug before and my friend Sean just likened it to taking E (which I have never done) but it's certainly a trip. After about a week at this level I will be ramping the dose to double and at that point I guess we will see what my body (and brain) can handle.